Moving Forward: Teens and Parents
When it's time to talk about s-e-x
One of the most awkward, yet important, conversations you're likely to have with your kids will be about…well, until you can say it, it's never going to happen the way it should. So, let's start there. Sex. There, it's "out there." That wasn't so hard, was it?
To help your kids deal with sex, you have to deal with it. You have to realize there is truth in the notion that kids grow up faster and faster these days. And that you, as a parent, play a critical role in how your children will deal with sex. If they don't get their information from you and know that you're open and available to helping them understand what sex is all about, they will get it somewhere else.
Television alone exposes young people to more than 15,000 references to sexual intercourse a year, and nearly 42% of teenagers surveyed say they are sexually active. And while you may be aware of and can, to some degree, control what your kids are exposed to at home, there's no telling what they might see anywhere else.
The first, and best, thing you can do is be prepared. You don't want to bombard your kids with facts, figures, illustrations and encyclopedias. They'll glaze over faster than a fresh donut. And you don't want to just sit them down with a video, to which you'll answer questions later. Nothing says "I don't care" faster than letting someone else do your work for you.
Once you have your information straight, your next job is to be there. If you think talking to your kids about sex is awkward, just imagine what your kids are thinking. They're probably going through many physical and emotional changes at this stage in their lives. For the first time, their friends start to be a greater influence in their lives than you are, yet you continue to be their primary authority figure. Being there, being available with an open mind and good information, will help open the door to good communication and help keep them coming back for more.
Be sure to know what to talk about and when. While experts will say you should start talking about sex as early as possible, you need to understand what your children are able to process and when. Giving them too much too soon may be confusing or upsetting to them. Give them information by answering their questions, but ask them questions, too, so you can gauge their understanding of what you're talking about. Listen. It's the very best thing you can do.
Finally, work with your kids to give them the tools they need to say "no" and get out of uncomfortable situations where they may feel pressured to have sex.
When you talk about sex, consider:
- Teenagers whose parents talk about sex with them delay having sex longer than those whose parents don't. Plus, once these teens become sexually active, they're more likely to do so responsibly.
- It's vital that parents continually share their values and beliefs with their teens and encourage them to make decisions about being sexually active before, not after, the fact. For example, most young girls have sex for the first time because of peer pressure.
- Parents should remind their kids that, "No, not everyone is having sex!" Many kids who say they are – aren't. Being a teenager is tough enough without the added dimension of being sexually active.
- Be honest with your kids. They need to know where you stand. Don't be afraid to tell your teens that while having sex is adult behavior, it does not make adults out of teenagers!
Advantages to not being sexually active:
- A good reputation
- An enhanced self-esteem
- Educational and career opportunities
Disadvantages to being sexually active:
- Chance of STDs
- Unwanted pregnancy
- Guilt, depression and low self-esteem
This article is provided for general, informational purposes only and is not intended as advice specific to your situation.
